From Loss to Love Becoming a Mother and Losing my Father

 
Becoming a mother is supposed to be the best day, filled with anticipation and celebration. However, life has a way of throwing unexpected challenges our way, making the journey more complex and bittersweet. In this heartfelt blog post, I want to share my deeply personal story of grief and postpartum, and provide some tips that helped me navigate through my difficult time. My hope is that by sharing my raw and authentic experience, it may offer solace and guidance to those who find themselves in a similar situation.

The day after my first daughter was born, my world shattered as I received the devastating news of my father's passing. The joy and excitement of welcoming my precious baby girl were abruptly replaced by heart-wrenching grief. It all began with my dad complaining of heartburn during my baby shower, unaware that it was actually heart failure. As I prepared for our girl, my father underwent three major heart surgeries to save his life. I stood by his hospital bed a few days before I went into labor, playing a sound clip of my daughter's heartbeat, trying to lift the mood amidst his upcoming surgeries, which he actually found quite funny. I held my father's hand for the last time that day, promising him that we would soon be holding his first granddaughter.

Sadly, fate had other plans, and he never got the chance to meet her. The weight of this loss is indescribable. Our relationship was built on making him proud, and I was eagerly looking forward to introducing him to my most proud precious bundle of joy. Every birthday for my daughter serves as a bittersweet reminder of the void left by my dad's absence and the missed opportunity for them to meet. Therefore, as only right, I throw a huge birthday bash for her. Call it my way of grieving, my way of getting my brothers through the day or something to make my mom smile. It’s a birthday celebration to remind us all of our beautiful lives and our most precious gift, Capri.

As a first-time mother dealing with grief, postpartum recovery, and the responsibilities of caring for a newborn, the weight of it all was almost unbearable. My hospital room was upgraded to a double room the day my dad died with a view, it was filled to the brim with flowers sent in sympathy, which was heartbreaking. I spent over a week in the hospital, under round-the-clock supervision due to the risk of postpartum depression.

Luckily, I never faced postpartum depression, baby blues for sure but with support and guidance I was able to avoid it. I often think about just how much my dad would have loved my girls. Every year for their birthday party it’s been sunny, perfect weather. I know that’s him.

If you’re struggling with a similar situation or know someone who is, here are some tips for navigating grief during pregnancy and postpartum. If you need to, reach out. 

Acknowledge Your Feelings: Allow yourself to fully experience the pain, sadness, and anger that come with grief. Don't suppress your emotions or put on a brave face for others. My emotions were wild at this time, it was the strangest thing to want to feel the most complete joy while still feeling the most ultimate low. It’s important to ride the ups and downs and not fight them. 

Put Rest and Self-Care First: Prioritize self-care, even amidst the turmoil of grief and postpartum. Take moments to rest and recharge, indulge in long showers, and ask for help from family and friends in caring for your newborn. Doing something nice for yourself can help alleviate the emotional burden. Coffee, Shopping, Exercise - do what you can to take care of you, so you can take care of baby.

Find Support: Lean on your support system. Share your emotions, fears, and concerns with loved ones who can provide comfort and understanding. Consider seeking professional help or joining support groups to connect with others who have faced similar challenges.

Embrace Your New Baby: Shift your perspective and find joy in the presence of your child. Celebrate their milestones and allow them to bring healing and new meaning to your journey. Despite the pain, they are a reminder of the resilience of life and the legacy your loved one has left behind. My baby helped me through everyday and still does.

Healing Takes Time: Understand that grief is a lifelong process. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Healing is not linear, and it's okay to have good days and bad days. Embrace the journey of healing, knowing that it is unique to you and your experience.

Grief and postpartum can intertwine, making the journey of becoming a mother even more challenging. By acknowledging your feelings, seeking support, practicing self-care, and embracing your new baby, you can navigate through these difficult times with resilience and strength. Remember, you are not alone, and there is hope for healing and finding joy in the midst of sorrow.

XO

Mom Life